Are you Serious? Coffee??

So I was driving home last night and almost got in a car wreck from the sure dumbfoundedness that occured while I passed a local 7-11.

I passes by the 24 hour convenient store, only to notice a big long poster hangin above the door that advertised a new coffee...

but it wasn't just a normal coffee, it was :

" New Energy Coffee !! It'll Wake you up all day long !! "

This made me wonder 2 specific things...

1. What the hell was the purpose of Coffee already? if not to give you energy and wake you up in the morning...

and

2. How many times a day can you be woken up? Because if you like me, I only wake up in the morning.. and I tell you what, I sure as hell don't feel like taking a nap after double cup of Folgers to spark my day...

This also makes me wonder how long untill the have products like this:

" New Teeth Cleaning Crest Toothpaste "


That is all...

Tell your friends,

R*

Remember Max Headroom? oh yeah, I want my own Island.

You ever see in the newspaper, or on the VH1 shows, or Cribs about celebrities who own their own Islands?

I seen somewhere that Johnny Depp has an Island, Marlon Brando had an Island, a friend of mine just got done working for David Copperfield… apparently he has four islands.

Not one... but FOUR!!!

My question is this….. How the hell do you buy an island? Do you just go to an island store?? Or just call up Century 21? Or Exit Realty ?? If so.. I imagine it would go something like this…

" Hello.. yes… is this Century 21? Hi, yeah, I'd like to purchase an island. Preferably somthing off of the Gulf Coast. Do you have any available?"

" I'm sorry sir. We're all out till next month. I'd try Exit Realty down the Street and on your left."

"Oh, Ok. Thanks.. We'll I can't actually afford one right now, but I envision myself in the future as being so… do you think you'll have some in stock in a few years?"


I mean.. come on !! Last time I checked the world had been all discovered as of a few years ago. Where do these Islands come from??

Do Realty Companies have workers sitting in cubicals like on Office Space listening to Queen and playing with Google Earth all day and night looking for new land masses to just pop up out of no where??

I can just picture interns scrolling across the Americas….

"Oh snap!!!! I think I found a new one!!!"

"HEY CARL!!!..."


"Carl ! Check this shit out....go to 46 degrees west longitude, by 69 degrees south...."


" Was that there tuesday morning??? I didn't see it yesterday!! I think that's a new one!!.......We better tell Laverne."

Then out of nowhere the parking lot opens up, like on The X-Men, and a Black Stealth Jet with Exit Reality painted on the side comes flying out with super speed… Flies to the new found location and out comes some dude with a red blazer and a flag to claim it.



" I claim this land for Bill Waterson, 2145 West Maple Avenue, Charleston South Carolina.!"

Or do you just go to Islands-R-Us.

"Yes, I'd like the economy package. Preferably as far away from civiliazation as possible…And why don't you throw in a generator, a couple roads, 3 street lights, and you might as well give me a grocery store….Because I might need food when I get there. Just in case…."


Did I mention that David Copperfield has Four ?!?


Not One Island!! But Four !!!.. One, Two, Three, Four !!

Four flippin Islands!!!

What a rich bastard.

Was he living life lavishly on number three, and decided he still wasn't happy!! So he had to buy another one ?!!?

Or did he have Five Islands?...

And it was just a failed disappearing-reappearing magic trick.

Maybe, Johnny Depp stole it, and thats how he got his.



Tell your friends !!

Hello, My name is Razzle, and Your's isn't.

My name is Razzle. I am 25 years old, a Pisces, I like movies, music, energy drinks, I'm going to be the next really huge Stand Up comedian, creating drag on sentences, and making fun of people who aren't "in the know". When I say "in the know", I mean fully understanding that "mustaches are hilarious". For those of you without any observational skills whatsoever, Yes, I have a Muppet growing on my lip.

Secondly I'm going to warn everyone that I use an excessive amount of "quotes" when I type. This is to both get my point across, and to piss off those not "in the know". I live my life hoping the Handle Bar Mustache will catch on again. I figured if the airplane was co-invented by a guy with a mustache, how can I go wrong?

People are always asking why I decided to grow a mustache, and here's what I tell them… I'm protesting a man by the name of Captain Crunch! That's right, I am not going to shave until those conniving Quaker Oats bastards pay for my dental bills and stop cutting up the "palette" of my mouth. "Palette" means "Roof" for those of you not "in the know". I mean, you don't see Froot Loops, or Coco Puffs shaped with jagged edges. That's like giving a kid a box of broken glass for Christmas...with a free toy inside.

This is where I Rant and Rave! (And when I say Rave, I mean without the use of mind altering drugs, video game music, or glow-sticks.)

I read somewhere that LSD was made by the government as a type of hallucinogenic warfare. Bullshit! I think Captain Crunch was made for Early Morning Oral Warfare. An EMOW! Picture this - some hungry general with a monocle, greasy hair, and snow white mustache sitting in his bunker thinking of a way to cause agonizing pain that would last the entire morning just buy eating a bowl of deliciously flavored breakfast cereal. Doesn't the name "Captain" sound suspicious? His costume screams Naval Recruitment. The only reason it's made by Quaker Oats is because General Mills would have made it too obvious. Furthermore, why the hell are his eyebrows attached to his hat? I feel the only reason they added Crunch Berries was so you wouldn't notice blood dripping into the red and blue colored milk.

This is why I have a mustache. Now that I am all worked up over EMOW's I have to go for a walk.

Oh, and don't forget to "Tell Your Friends"…