The Razzle Show*

April 28th... LIVE AT THE PUNK HOUSE!

2010-04-27T02:18:00.002-04:00

Stand Up. Free Beer. St. Patty's Day. Do It !!

2010-03-16T01:14:00.002-04:00

The Silver tongue of Comedy...Live In Silverlake!!

2010-01-01T18:14:00.002-05:00

Show on the 30th.

2009-12-28T22:46:00.000-05:00

Razzle Performing LIVE!!

2009-11-05T15:47:00.003-05:00

Some Photos of my Head..

2009-09-22T21:50:00.004-04:00

Hey Girls!!! Come see how Cute I am!!!

2009-07-20T19:58:00.008-04:00

I'll be doing some entertaining Wednesday July 22nd at FIZZ...

Hey Everyone, come see how Awesome I look....

2009-07-07T19:03:00.004-04:00

2009-06-29T18:26:00.000-04:00

Experience: Being Awesome!

2009-04-22T16:23:00.002-04:00

I need a job. The lack of accomplishment is starting to get to me. I mean I need a real job. I want to have to get to work on time and have a dress code with key cards and id badges. I want to have to clock in and clock out. I haven’t officially had an occupation in a little over 4 months and I’m pretty disappointed. I don’t think I’ve been this disappointed in myself since I lost to Sylvester Stallone arm wrestling at the end of the movie Over The Top. I’m kidding…That wasn’t really me, I would’ve only been 5 years old. To young to even enter an arm wrestling competition, yet old enough to know that turning your hat backwards before you arm wrestle someone doesn’t do shit. Besides arm wrestling is stupid and doesn’t prove anything other than the fact that the person who usually wins has a longer forearm; and that’s just because of physics. And even that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have a job and am not nearly as successful as I should be by this age.

It’s not like I’m not trying. I come up with ideas and inventions all the time. People just steal my ideas, or also come up with them. I just don’t have the means or contacts to facilitate them, forcing me to need to find a day job, which I have yet to find. I’ve been looking too. I been going out to try and find a job in person, as well as I’ve also adapted to searching on the internet, which in all honesty, is bullshit. You see, I’ve been on Hotjobs, Monster, even Career Builder (which incidentally should be called Regret Builder, because the more jobs I find on there, the more lists of qualifications I find out I don’t have, which makes me realize how unproductive my life has been thus far). They’ll list things like “Desired Experience”, “Required Qualifications”, “We’d prefer someone with a Bachelors Degree”. Yea, I’d prefer to have super powers and not need a day job, we don’t always get what we want, so why don’t we compromise, you hire my ass, and I’ll learn to do what you hired me to do. See that’s my big problem. I have the ability learn how to do things. Most importantly I have the ability to figure out how to do them easier and with the least amount of effort on my part. I call it Efficiency. And that my friends, doesn’t mean a damn thing to employers. It’s not like you can send them a resume that says “Experience: 27 years of efficiently taking the easy way out”. Nope, they want to see the phrase “Efficiency Expert” followed by a list of reputable jobs. Of which, I have Zero. You see, my current resume is pretty much meaningless to any job that I could stomach and enjoy working at. The only experience I have is in “Job Hunting.”

I’m serious. My current resume literally laterally sucks. It doesn’t progress in a forward motion toward my hopes and dreams. It moves down and sideways like a WonkaVator. My resume is like the Superman Movies or even the Matrix Trilogy. It starts off great, but gets shittier as you continue to read. And it’s not like someone’s out to get me, it’s my own fault really, and I’ve come to accept this. I’ve also come to accept the fact that I may…. Be subconsciously sabotaging my life. Perhaps, it’s my sense of humor and creativity that doesn’t get hired in the first place. And to me this doesn’t make a lick of sense, considering most jobs, list “Sense of Humor’ as a requirement. So I apply my sense of humor to my resumes, and something tells me, the human resources departments don’t find my antics hilarious.

Take for example American Apparel. I applied to work as a sales representative at the local store. Along with my resume they needed to see that I dressed ‘Stylish’ and ‘Trendy’. So I attached 2 photos of myself and Jpeg of Teen Wolf playing basketball. Or even Whole Foods. They asked what kind of experience I had. So logically, I put that I could eat a whole pizza in one sitting.

Now, I do have 2 years of professional driving experience( I once delivered auto parts, as well as have worked as an executive driver for a college carting around the execs and guest speakers). So it astonished me when I was in interview for a position as a Bakery delivery driver that I was asked if I had any other driving experience….really?!

For one, I’m 27 years old…so I said: ”Uh…yeah..12 years of it. I’m also really good at Mario Kart. And I also once made the Kessel Run in less than 12 Parsecs.”

He responded “12 parsecs…is that fast?”

“Fast?!!” I responded,”More like Efficient”. “A parsec is a measure of distance, not time, asshole, and I can clearly see your wasting mine.” And I honestly don’t think I could work for someone who doesn’t see that I’m clearly over qualified to be a bakery delivery driver… So I walked out.

That’s the thing too.. They say it’s “Not about who you know, it’s who knows you…” and this is true. However I know a lot of people, and a lot of people know me, and I’m still in the same predicament…

They say it’s all about “Net Working”. Sadly for me,it’s “Not Working”.

Everyone I meet and inquire about a job always ask “well..what can you do?”. I can do a lot of things. “Well, what would you want to do?” Honestly? I’d like to get paid a lot, for doing very little. Kind of like all these scientists. I’ll get paid to do research on shit that will just be contradicted 2 years later.

Fun Fact: I think carbon dating is a bunch of bullshit….it’s one of those “The emperor has no clothes” types of things. Nobody wants to speak up on how absurd of an idea it is.

I could easily be a scientist. I mean seriously, how hard can it be? Just think of an idea, and get paid grant money to prove or disprove it with inventions and mathematical equations I invent myself. I could do that. I mean seriously, every day somewhere in the news is some hypothesis that some research team came up with and solved, that just ends up being contradicted later on by a rival research team.
Shit, listen to this absurdity.. I read this one article that mentioned that scientists in Europe have done a test regarding the correlation of “the direction your hair grows on the back of your head”. I’m serious, it stated that like 70% of people born with hair growing counter clock wise end up growing up to be gay. So Right now, I want everyone to look in a mirror, and let’s play a game I like to call “Who’s keeping a Secret?”
That’s got to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard…and I’ve heard a lot. It shows that obviously there are no prerequisites to being a research scientist. Some of the things they come up with are so stupid. Some things are just stupid to even be messing with..Cloning is one thing that kind of scares me. Haven’t any of them seen Blade Runner or Star Wars Attack of the Clones? Some things are not meant to be messed with in my opinion. Acting like they have it all figured out while they try and open a box and learn from it’s contents.. Hey Lazlo, Pandora was curious too. Haven’t you read that story? “Hey let’s build a giant tube in france and collide atoms that nobody can see anyways trying to re-enact the Big Bang and learn from it”. Yea.. good idea.. Spend billions of dollars on an expensive replica of Marble Madness when you could be studying the ocean. Am I the only one who secretly hoped they would accidently create a black hole or dimensional portal. All of a sudden there’s a flash of light and a Giant Dragon just sitting there looking at the scientists…”Um…Steve…do you see what I see..?” “If you’re referring to the giant dragon.. then yes…I think we’re fucked”. And the dragon would just be like…”yes, you are” Because obviously, it would be a talking dragon who is extremely pissed off at that fact that he’s going to miss tonight’s episode of LOST. Which in itself is another topic….

Two Kinds of People...Part 1.

2009-04-01T20:05:00.003-04:00

This will be a new on going thing that I had once prior, only this is a remake of what I have done in the past... Yes, it's o.k. to plagerize oneself.

Over the course of the last 2 weeks, I've learned that there are typically 2 kinds/types of people. People that either cause enjoyment or dislike or distaste or the use of 'or' once more in this sentence. Below I have included a few examples.

There are 2 kinds of people:

There are those that save their money and those that spend their money.

There are those that look like they do drugs, and then there are those(like myself) who looks like his parents were the ones doing the drugs.

There are those people who stop singing once 'Happy Birthday' is finished, and then there are those people who feel the need to continue singing other ricockulous birthday themed songs preventing me from partaking in the cake and ice cream consumption at that given moment. Hey, People Singing! Stop! Nobody likes when you sing that "How old are you song" We get it. We know how old they are! It says on the fraking cake. Didn't you bother to look at it? SHUT UP! Let the birthday person blow out the damn candles, perhaps they are trick candles which will result hysterics. Stop please, I'm quite hungry and that Superman Ice cream looks delicious..

Lastly,

There are people who are good drivers, and then there are those who are bad drivers.

Now, you're probably saying, "Razzle, there are quite a few different types of bad drivers" and this is true. There are the Teenagers, Women, Blacks, Old Black Women, Chinese, and the punk rockers with mohawks so tall they need to tilt the seat back and drive with there head cocked to the side so they're hawk won't get smashed. Yeah, That's real punk rock fellas, I love punk music, I used to be in a punk band, but something about waking up 2 hours early and having 3 people assist you with your hair so you can show up to the Warped Tour with a perfect hairstyle seems to contradict everything Punk Rock is about. I suggest going with a shorter one that you can manage on your own.

Anyways, these are the bunch.. but that's not my intention in this posting..

You see, those above are just the bottom feeders of an Amway Pyramid Geneological Driving Tree that stems from 3 main sorces.

The Foundation and Cause of all Bad Driving results from these 3 demographics:

- Middle age women (Lagers) who endlessly put on make up while talking on the cell phone most likely about all of their stupid plush stuffed animals they have sitting on the dashboard while their Catholic Crown sits all alone in the back window aside from there Garfield doll from '93 suctioned cupped to the back window.

- The old people with Cokebottle glasses that are sitting on a phonebook, with the wheel blocking there vision and a bubble compass the size of a soupbowl mounted on their dashboard.

And last but not least,

- People with some sort of Religious Bumper sticker pasted somewhere on their automobile. You could be the best driver in the world, but once your car gets tagged with a religious sticker its all down hill. I don't care if you're a Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddist, or Satan Worshiper, they cause horrible driving. You could be an Athiest with a sticker that reads "I don't believe in a god" stuck to the bumper, and 99% of the time, you'll also 'Not Believe in Obeying the Rules of the Road'.

I was driving one time, and seen someone in a car with a sticker that read 'Buda is my co-pilot'. First of all, No he's not. He wouldn't be able to fit in the passenger seat of your mini-cooper let alone buckle up. Besides the fact that I'm pretty sure Buda believed in giving pedestrians the right of way instead of trying to plow them down with your impression of 'The Italian Job'. I also seen one car who refused to use their blinker with a sticker that said, "Jesus Drives This Prius". I mean seriously, if Jesus is really driving it should read "Jesus Drives a Prius Badly". I mean really, he can walk on water, turn water into wine, but doesn't know how to use his turn signal? Perhaps Jesus is driving the Prius, however he just left a wedding where he consumed massive amounts of water turned into wine and decided he'd leave early... But then I thought about it further and came to the conclusion that he wouldn't be driving a Prius at all. Jesus was a carpenter... He would most likely drive an 1987 Chevy S-10. Perhaps even with a bumper sticker that reads "No Fat Chicks"... Sorry ladies, looks like no heaven for you... Wait a minute... Perhaps it didn't mean Jesus as in our savior, but 'Jesus' as in "Hey Zues" and that would totally make sense, because Zues was a closet gay. And in my experience, so are Priuses.

Tell your friends.

Razzle*
www.TheRazzleShow.com

Help Me Buy A Delorean!!

2009-03-16T22:15:00.004-04:00

Together we can do this!!

I just need 10,000 Twitteres to donate $2. I figured this would be a cool experiment to try out on such an expanding network of followors and followees.

Here's one on Ebay right now!!

http://tinyurl.com/csms88

They are regularly posted and can usually be purchased for under $20g.

Click this link to DONATE Now!!

Hey Lyle Lovett: If I had a Boat & and a Pony.....

2009-03-15T15:50:00.002-04:00

I'd sell them both and buy a batmobile, because:

If I had a Batmobile,
I'd Drive it to get Groceries,
and if I bought a Red Bull,
I drink it while I drove.
And I would pick up my friends,
because who wouldn't rather have a batmobile
instead ride a pony and sail a boat.

Shoe Thrower Fans Untie Online..........I mean Unite.

2009-03-15T14:57:00.002-04:00

Shoe Thrower Fans Untie Online..........I mean Unite.

It really isn't anything new though..... Shoe Throwers have been uniting at punk rock concerts such as The Warped Tour for years to throw shoes, wallets, and other various artifacts that are of importance to them getting home.

for more info on the unification of shoeless individuals check out CNN.com:

Teen hands out thousands of dollars after finding drug money....instead of spending it wisely

2009-03-13T15:42:00.001-04:00

I WOULD HAVE BOUGHT A USED DELOREAN....

Teen hands out thousands of dollars after finding drug money

McClatchy-Tribune
4:43 PM CDT, March 12, 2009

MINNEAPOLIS -- A Minnesota teen got to play high roller for a day after finding a plastic bag containing $18,000 in a highway ditch, and he gave away thousands of dollars to classmates on Tuesday before authorities got involved.

Dakota County officials are releasing few details about the source of the money, but they have a pretty compelling clue: When the student, a 16-year-old from Rosemount, Minn., led them back to the spot where he found the money, they discovered 4 pounds of marijuana and some scales.

"This is tied in to drugs, obviously," said Sgt. Joe Leku of the Dakota County Drug Task Force. He would not disclose other details of the case, saying it could jeopardize the investigation.

Investigators learned that a student had been handing out $100 bills when a school bus company reported it to a school resource officer on Tuesday, said Chief Dakota County Deputy David Bellows. The boy had given out thousands of dollars before deputies started going back and collecting the money. They recovered almost all of it, Bellows said.

http://tinyurl.com/c3gyc6

This makes me want to become a Vigilante and pull a Charlie Bronson: Some Autorities are stupid...

2009-03-12T13:23:00.004-04:00

These Judges and Cops should be removed of all their limbs. I didn't even know her, but it makes me want to pull a Charlie Bronson from Death Wish.... Yea, the probation and GPS really works for repeat Sex Offenders...lame.... After the 2nd time they should be shot as it is. Let me do it. Shit, I'll charge admission and sell out stadiums faster than Eddie Murphy's MEET DAVE was yanked out of theaters for being so bad.

Think of what that would do to the economy! Let me take Sex Offenders and Murderers on a National Stadium Tour and donate all the ticket proceeds to paying off the ginormous debt we are about to have. And it might actually put fear in the hearts of evil doers if they know they'll be standing 6 feet above Jimmy Hoffa on the pitchers mound of Yankee Stadium while I pull a 'Price is Right' and ask the audience how I should remove this scum from our earthly presence.

Normally I don't get angry, but the sure stupidity of how this repeat offender was handled and just let lose to live in a field often frequented by teens amazes even me... Just when I thought people in power couldn't get stupider...

I posted the article as well as the link...

Razzle*

www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/03/12/sex.offender.gps/index.html

Renaming the SEARS TOWER to WILLIS TOWER? WTB? Whatchu Talkin Bout?!?!

2009-03-12T13:10:00.001-04:00

March 12, 2009 (CHICAGO) (WLS) -- Chicago's Sears Tower will be renamed Willis Tower after an incoming tenant, according to a press release from Willis Group Holdings of London.

The insurance broker plans to move 500 associates into 140,000 square feet of space on multiple floors of the tallest building in the Western Hemisphere.

"Having our name associated with Chicago's most iconic structure underscores our commitment to this great city, and recognizes Chicago's importance as a major financial hub and international business center," said Joseph J. Plumeri, chairman and CEO of Willis Group Holdings, in the press release.

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/local&id=6705997

Day Job, American Apparel, and Teen Wolf...

2009-03-12T03:48:00.005-04:00

So yea, I'm living in Chicago still, performing humorous actions on stage and off. I just about finished up my press kit stuff that I'll be sending out to agents and managers; as I am hoping to take the next step towards World Domination. In the mean time I need a day job to pay the bills so I jumped online and applied to get a job at the American Apparel store here in town. They ask you to upload 3 photos of yourself so they can get a feel for your personal style. I understand this, but thought it was recockulous, considering they should at least interview you first. So I uploaded two photos of myself and one of Teen Wolf. I figured his best friend was named Styles so if they can figure that out... The Job Should Be MINE!!!

Razzle*

BREAKING NEWS!! Chris Brown has been charged with TWO FELONIES!!

2009-03-05T23:19:00.004-05:00

AP: Chris Brown has been charged with two felonies, including assault and making criminal offensive and stupid faces while giving the peace sign.

www.TheRazzleShow.com

THIS JUST IN !! BREAKING NEWS !!

2009-02-21T00:21:00.002-05:00

AP reports: Hugh Jackman has dropped out of hosting the Oscars and has just now been replaced by Christian Bale and Chris Brown. Special guest presenter via Phone Call is Beetlejuice actor Alec Baldwin.

tell your friends,

Razzle*

Razzle Live In CHICAGO !!!

2009-02-17T17:04:00.006-05:00

10. He-Man Characters I noticed have borderline sexual names...

2009-02-09T10:37:00.005-05:00

He-Man Characters I noticed have borderline sexual names...

1. Stinkor - an anthropomorphic skunk with magical control over his own stench
2. Tung Lashor - has an extra-long tongue that spits poisonous venom
3. Snout Spout- is an elephant-headed Eternian who can squirt water out of his trunk.
4. Hunga - is a harpy who has antagonized She-Ra
5. Extendar - is a mechanized being and Master of Extension
6. Strongarm - is a cyborg with a long metal arm
7. Captain Sticky Fingers - is a Space Pirate
8. Ram man - is a sturdy warrior with poor verbal skills who runs down most of his obstacles
9. Faker - a duplicate of He-Man

and last but not least....

10. FISTO - is an extra-strong warrior with an enlarged metal right hand.

Razzle*

MIT researchers make ‘sixth sense’ gadget...

2009-02-05T19:43:00.002-05:00

MIT researchers make ‘sixth sense’ gadget...

Long Beach: US university researchers have created a portable “sixth sense” device powered by commercial products that can seamlessly channel Internet information into daily routines.

The device created by Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) scientists can turn any surface into a touch-screen for computing, controlled by simple hand gestures.

---

Sadly though, it doesn't let you eat lunch with Bruce Willis...

Razzle*
www.TheRazzleShow.com

Super Bowl Footballs marked with synthetic DNA.....Seriously? W.T.F?

2009-01-23T19:25:00.000-05:00

A Santa Ana, Calif., company says about 120 footballs will be used in Super Bowl XLIII, and all of them will be marked to prevent counterfeiting.

Joe Orlando, president of Professional Sports Authenticator, said his company and the NFL work together to prevent counterfeiting by marking each game ball with a strand of synthetic DNA that can only be seen under a specific laser frequency.

"The DNA ink has an astronomical 1-in-33 million chance of being accurately reproduced by counterfeiters," said Orlando, author of "Collecting Sports Legends."

----

My guess is that there is also a 1-in-33 million chance that Joe has ever gotten laid.

Tell your friends,

Razzle*
www.TheRazzleShow.com

I now have Twitter and DIGG !!!!

2009-01-21T18:42:00.000-05:00

Go ahead... twitter me, digg me..

TheRazzleShow

on

www.twitter.com

Shirts and other stuff...

2009-01-15T12:44:00.001-05:00

working on getting some gigs at rock venues amongst other crowds, working on getting some t-shirts. Workin on some other things... I'll keep you posted. Below is 1 of the t-shirt designs I'm toying around with. I'll post another one tomorrow..

Tell your friends,

Razzle*

3 things I learned not to pull out of your pocket on a first date..

2009-01-10T04:51:00.003-05:00

Many of you may remember being taught from School House Rock that 3 is a magic number. This is truth. Not only does death seem to come in threes but so do misplaced objects. I found this out on a date last night.

3 things I've learned not to pull out of your pocket during a first date:

A coupon to GameStop, a USB flash drive, and a piece of Kryptonite.

Tell your friends,

Razzle*

An old photo that still makes me chuckle....

2009-01-08T18:40:00.000-05:00

On top of a CKT, I'm also taking it intimate...

2009-01-03T19:46:00.001-05:00

While working on booking a college tour, I'm also working on booking some more intimate Pubs & Clubs..

Razzle's College Knowledge TOUR 2009: COMING SOON!!

2008-12-11T14:42:00.000-05:00

Tell Your Friends!!

Christmas Post 6: To Small...

2008-12-02T23:58:00.003-05:00

This post is coming in at the finish for the day... I've been super busy packing and getting ready to move, on top of trying to still figure out my facebook situation..

not to mention my van is like the Grinch's heart... to small.

Christmas Post 5: BUY ME A TRANSFORMER!

2008-12-01T21:34:00.002-05:00

So my facebook account is still disabled, and I was really starting to make some progress with the new ‘Project CKT09’. I’m still in a little pissy mood about it, so I figured I’d post yet another funny song off that same compilation as ‘Santa and his old lady’. It too has a downer point of view amongst Christmas, which fits the mood I’m currently still in due to the internet being lame and myself having to much to pack. It’s called ‘The 12 pains of Christmas’.

Enjoy.

Tell Your Friends,

Razzle*

Christmas Post Number 4: Choirs of children make me want to kill myself...

2008-11-30T16:46:00.009-05:00

Christmas Post 4: Choirs of children make me want to kill myself..

Sorry, if this posting is a little angry. For some damn reason my facebook account was disabled today... No idea why, perhaps because I was using it for it's intended purpose: "NetWorking", now my account is "NOT WORKING". Anyways, as they say, things come in threes.

- Facebook Fiasco
- Started Packing for my move to chicago...Not fun.
- Brake light doesn't work.

So I figured I'd write about something that puts me in the mood I'm currently in. I'm the most optimistic person you'll ever meet; however, I'm also good at ranting, rebelling, voicing my opinion, complaining, and standing up for those to afraid to speak their minds or those without the means.

This brings me to Christmas Posting Number 4.

Paul McCartney & Wings : Wonderful Christmas Time.

I am a firm believer that Wal*Mart is the devil. Wal*Mart has seven letters, Lucifer has seven letters, it doesn't take Robby Langdon to figure that out.

I am also a firm believer that Paul McCartney is somehow involved with the downward spiral in the economy. When news broke that he yet again refused a deal with 'iTunes' this past week, my Apple stock went down. Hmm, interesting PAUL... Way to help spur the economy. Perhaps if Steve Jobs gets Gillette to stop testing on animals maybe you'll come to an agreement? Doubt it. If Red Bull gives you Wings, I'm starting the boycott right now. I'd rather be given the All Star Band. Wings are a severely over rated group. 'Wonderful Christmas Time' is by far in my opinion the worst Christmas song to date, and one of the reasons I'm in a pissy mood today.

I can remember working at the Christmas Store my mom runs(in the summer time it's a thriving swimming poolstore, but in the off season they sell christmas shit to stay busy untill the 3 month vacation) years back with my brother Jeremy. Once it got to the slower part of the season when it was just him and me at the store, we'd pass time playing 20 questions, playing Dots, or Tic Tac Toe. Now, I must say, you think those are fun and simple games, however my brother and I are virtually equals. When it comes to games of that kind, they are harder than you think. Mainly because we need to think harder than our own capabilities to devise a strategy to in essence win against ourself.

So we would play games, talk about when the next show was for the rock band we were both in, or talk about the mob ran underground gambling house that was caddy corner across the street in an old flower shop. Finally we came up with a game that was pure chance and estimated luck. I refuse to use the word "Guesstimate". I think it's stupid, and only old ladies with purple hair riding around on the bus should be able to use that, and then only once per year. I think that word has been overused about as much as the phrase "Sunday Funday". I get it, it rhymes. I love words that sound similar. But it's been around since the 1980's nintendo game for the NES. Yes, there was a game with that same title, it sucked about as much as Mickey Mousecapes.

Anyways, we would also play a game based on speculatory deduction. We would bet on what christmas song would come on the radio next. This was before ipods and itunes went ginormous, and we advertised on the station, so we were forced into listening to it in order to make sure they played the radio spot that featured my mother talking about sweet deals on artificial trees and wreaths. Much like top 40 radio stations today, they seemed to only play a selected amount of songs from what seemed like a library of only 40 songs. One of those songs as "Wonderful Christmas Time" By Paul McCartney backed up by Wings. Once again, WINGS are over rated, just ask Kid Icarus(he too had an NES video game in the 80's). Anytime this song came on, my brother Jeremy and I would kick each other in the balls just to take our minds of the stupidity of the song.... I'm kidding....I didn't even work at a Christmas Store.

Again, I'm kidding. The entire story above is true, except the the ball kicking part at the end.

And the part about FACEBOOK Disabling my Account... is also TRUE!!!

W.T.F. - in my world, that means : Where's The Fun ?

Answer - Not Here!

As, the Nixon Tape Transcripts read :

-Expletive Deleted- Wings
-Expletive Deleted- packing
-Expletive Deleted- disabled facebook accounts.

Here's the video:

The Choirs of children sing their song, they practiced all year long...

....ding dong, ding dong, GUN SHOT!

Christmas Post Number 3: His Old Lady....

2008-11-29T14:10:00.003-05:00

This one recording I actually forgot all about until I was driving home from my grandparents house yesterday listening to a christmas shuffle on my ipod. I can remember being in middle school and my dad asking my brother and I if we ever heard the Cheech and Chong skit "Santa and his old lady". Our reply was no, so after going to a few stores looking for it, we came across a Christmas Compilation in which it was included on amonst some other humorous Santa Propaganda. It's a pretty funny skit. Nothing to funny to write about it other than stay tuned for further Christmas postings. I'm debating on how soon to talk about a certain christmas tree prank we pulled on my Uncle Duane...maybe in a few days..

If you have and funny or reminiscent christmas tales, I'd love to hear them. Fell free to post them as comments and such, or message me them, and I'll include the best ones in the next note!

Tell your friends,

Razzle*

Christmas Post Number 2: Why... it was POTTER !!

2008-11-28T17:22:00.005-05:00

Christmas Post Number 2: Why... It was POTTER!!

As I've mentioned, I'm not a huge fan of Saturday Night Live's newer seasons. Granted, I could be partial due to the nostalgia factor, however, I've been told by highschoolers it's not that great as well. I've been watching SNL since I was in gradeschool. I remember staying up late with my brother occasionally and flipping in between SNL and American Gladiators. Back when the transitional period between the bad boys of comedy and older Dennis Miller,Julia Sweeny, Toonces the Driving Cat era, those were the prime. In my opinion. The Lovitz, Murray, and Akroyd days were funny as well, but to me, you can't beat the Bad Idea Jeans, or Happy Fun Ball days.

This brings me to my Christmas Posting number 2. Every year around the holiday season, It's A Wonderful Life is played upteen times on television(due to the rights expiring). I can recall a time when it was an event to watch it in primetime. The happy ending is a classic staple and is a guarantee tear dripper. Spawning the ever popular phrase "Everytime a bell rings, an angel gets their wings" that has become a cemented remark in every child's lexicon.

Considering the ginormous amount of Americana this movie has become, it would have been obvious betting odds to place a wager that Saturday Night Life would take a clip from the movie and put their spin on it. With the likes of Dennis Miller, Dana Carvey, and the late great Phil Hartman, this clip is a Christmas memory of mine that will never go away. I can recall watching this when it aired for the first time, and quoting the phrase about "POTTER!" with my father and brother in reminiscence. There is nothing like an angry mob to bring about the Christmas Cheer!

and with the recent bank bail outs, it's kind of ironic how the movie actually turned out with the public bailing out Bailey. Interesting how his last name is spelled the same way too.. I think we should take out money back from the recent bailout the same way the SNL cast did as well..

Hope you enjoy this clip if you haven't seen it prior to this mention. Not to mention a preface from the one and only Billy Shatner.

Tell your friends,

Razzle*

Christmas Post number 1.

2008-11-27T12:22:00.002-05:00

CHRISTMAS posting number 1.

I've decided to try and post videos and or christmas propaganda from my childhood. I'm going to try and do this on a daily basis.. we'll see if that works.. haha.

This is the trailer for one of my favorite Christmas movies.."Christmas Vacation"

It came out in the theater in '89. I would have been 7 years old. I don't recall witnessing this in the theater, however I do recall the commercials for it, and watching it on T.V. every year after that..

There's something about the older Christmas movies that would totally dominate the newer ones should they ever appear in a special UFC fight, or forced to battle it out in a No Holds BARRED(also came out in '89) match on the W.W.F.

It is because of this movie that I spray Pan Grease on sleds every time I go sledding...

not that that actually works...

Tell your friends,

Razzle*

Obama's Grandmother died today.... I hope she early voted......

2008-11-03T18:35:00.002-05:00

To Soon?

Sen. Barack Obama's grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, whose personality and bearing shaped much of the life of the Democratic presidential contender, has died, Obama announced Monday, one day before the election.

She was 86....

and in restaurant terms.... I guess you could say she was also 86'd.

Tell your friends,

Razzle*
www.TheRazzleShow.com

Due to the State of the Economy, Joe The Plumber has decided to go into Business with His Brother...

2008-10-15T22:42:00.006-04:00

Due to the taxes, falling stock market, and overall bad economy, Joe The Plumber has decided to go into business with his Brother.

A recent filing at the county court house in Ohio for a new L.L.C.

Tell your Friends,

Razzle*

Is this what JOHN McCAIN was Doodiling the whole time?

2008-10-15T22:34:00.002-04:00

I stole this off the Debate Table...

Tell your friends..

Razzle*

www.TheRazzleShow.com

CNN reports : Cheney's abnormal heart rhythm corrected, spokesman says

2008-10-15T16:54:00.004-04:00

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- A procedure to restore Vice President Dick Cheney's heart to a normal rhythm went "smoothly and without complication," his spokeswoman said Wednesday.

Earlier, Megan Mitchell said doctors called to Cheney's White House office Wednesday morning found he was experiencing a recurrence of atrial fibrillation, an abnormal rhythm involving the upper chambers of the heart.

Doctors at George Washington University Hospital delivered an electrical impulse to restore Cheney's heart to a normal rhythm, Mitchell said in a statement released late in the day.

Apparently, This was caused by stress due to Barack Obama turning down Cheney's offer to take him Hunting..

A recent TMZ.com article made me realize TWO THINGS...!!

2008-10-14T16:32:00.005-04:00

I was surfing the internet today and came across a TMZ.com article regarding the John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston. First... here is that article:

------- We've been bummed since John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston called it quits. But there's renewed hope.

We've confirmed they did indeed hang out this weekend in NYC. They chowed down at Il Mulino -- best Italian restaurant in the Big Apple. And that's not their only contact over the last few days.

Turns out their breakup was not a clean break after all. We now know they stayed in touch after they split. As for the National Enquirer report they were kissing at LAX after a flight from NYC... we can't confirm it.

One thing we did get. We're told it's not necessarily black and white -- that they may be more than not involved but less than involved. The middle ground is more fun anyway. ------

This makes me Realize Two things.. Jennifer Aniston is still exceedingly attractive, and that I pray to God that the people who are actually concerned about this hopefully will not be voting in this years election.

The Incredible Hulk comes out on DVD next tuesday with a 3 disc set. Really? is the 3rd really needed?

2008-10-13T10:36:00.004-04:00

I just read online that The Incredible Hulk will be getting a 3 Disc Special Edition...and be released in 3 different versions....really?

The visually spectacular, super-charged release will be available in three versions: a three-disc Special Edition DVD available for a limited time only; a two-disc Blu-ray release, offered in collectible 3D lenticular packaging for a limited time only; and a single-disc DVD edition.

Both the Special Edition DVD and Blu-ray releases include over two hours of bonus extras, including an exclusive, never-before-seen alternate opening, and included on the special edition 3rd disc is an Apology from Star Edward Norton for that fact you were stupid enough to buy a 3 disc edition...

Tell Your Friends,

Razzle*

Michelle Williams Supports Scholarship Honoring Heath Ledger...

2008-10-12T12:00:00.014-04:00

Originally posted in 'People Magainze' Thursday September 25, 2008 04:25 PM EDT

--- A scholarship to help emerging Australian actors and honor the memory of Heath Ledger has launched – and Ledger's ex, Michelle Williams, is stepping up as the first donor.

The Australians in Film Heath Ledger Scholarship will award recipients up to $10,000, and round-trip airfare from Australia, to pursue a career in the United States. Ledger was an Ambassador for AIF before his death in January; current ambassadors include Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman and Naomi Watts.

The fund also has the support of Williams, who has pledged to contribute an undisclosed amount. ----

On top of the winner receiving $10,000 and round trip air fair, they will also receive my donation.... Razzle's Hollywood Survival Swag Bag containing: A Skeletor action figure, 3 Xanax, a 1/2 bottle of Nyquil, 4 Blue Pills(Viagra or Valium, I'm not sure), and a Digital Scale currently on loan from Walgreens.

Tell your friends,

Razzle*

Help me get my own T.V. Show !!!

2008-10-09T19:27:00.004-04:00

Here's the deal, it's not secret that I believe I have an image, persona, ability to force you to remember me. On top of a swiftness for 'Quick Witted Quips' pertaining to what ever topic is being conversed about. I have a two ideas for a potential Television show staring yours truly. Actually the second idea would be a preface/prequel leading into and generating buzz for the first idea. Those ideas being a 22 minute Talk Show/Variety show and a 22 minute 4-6 episode Stand Up Comedy College Tour miniseries. Those are vague enough!! as to not reveal my genius to the world and have my concepts and ideas stolen like they have been done in the past. That being said, here is an updated into/commercial interstitial that I am going to be using to try and pitch to MtvU and The CW. I figure start with the College Markets, create awareness and a following with the 18-25 age group, and that will lead into their younger siblings and then a highschool domination! After all, Conan is relocating to the 11:35 spot on The Tonight Show and Jimmy Fallon is taking over The Late Show.... however There will be a delay with that causing viewers to be on the search for something NEW and INNOVATIVE!!

Tell your Friends!

CURING OBESITY = Legalized MARIJUANA

2008-09-18T17:23:00.004-04:00

The Cure For Obesity: Legalize Marijuana.

Preface:

I do not condone the usage of drugs, nor to I protest the usage. I am not a doctor. Nor am I biomedical engineer, so I cannot tell you in truth the actual negative effects, positive effects, or how marijuana could affect others around you at a party, cause you to enjoy college just a little bit more, or impair your driving at night in a red Volvo headed east bound on Interstate 4.

I have however been studying during these recent 10 years, at length, the way the populace behaves, thinks, acts, and most importantly reacts when experiencing certain situations. Unfortunately these results vary tremendously; and in no way could a pie chart, bar graph, or 60 minutes episode accurately portray what I have witnessed. Much like ‘Superman IV’, this brings me to one of my many deductions on my personal ‘Quest for Peace’

Forward:

Many scientists, organizations, and political lobbyists have been hard at work inventing surgical procedures, diet plans, and passing legislation in hopes to curb the disease and ever ‘Growing’ epidemic known as Obesity. I also suffer from this disease. Over weight I am not, however much like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, there ‘IS’ more than one way. My encounters are plenty, be it at the grocery store, movie theater, college campus. Something needs to be done. After much deliberation, and deep thought, I realized not to sell my accounts, but to reveal them to the world. There is only one way to cure Obesity. That my friends, is to legalize marijuana.

Personally, I don’t smoke weed, hashish, Mary Jane, blunts, or roll what are known as Doobys. I have no desire, nor a need. I am high on life(No, I’m not talking about the cereal) and regrettably, I am unable to come down.

In my high school, college, and days I was in a rock band, a few friends I knew would partake on occasion, in the “Inhaling of the Herb.” They treated it as though it were an Olympic event along with Beer Pong, and that they all had the talent equal to Steve Prefontaine(for younger readers, replace with Michael Phelps) Should you spill your beer, or drop some leaf, you were expelled with a loud ‘PARTY FOUL’.

During these particular games of law breaking and binge drinking, I noticed two things.

First, pot smokers become incredibly inventive in the time of need when it comes to constructing home-made bong and smoking devices. I often wonder if the Apollo 13 ground crew sat in a hot boxed room while they devised a way to bring home the astronauts. Or perhaps, Odysseus and the other Greeks smoked a ‘fat ass J’ before the assembled what is now known as the Trojan Horse just so they could get past the gates of Troy because they heard about some ‘Killer Chronic’. Maybe ‘The Odyssey’ wasn’t even that long, it just seemed to go by really slow because he had a craving for major munchies or what some refer to as Scooby Snacks.

This brings me to the second reaction I noticed. That of extreme eating and an amazing appetite for delicious treats and snack like food. After witnessing the most recent of what turned out to be numerous common occurrences, I recently realized that this was the cure for what is called Obesity, any by pure chance would also have quite a few spectacular side effects.

Such As:
-Decreased Crime
-Less Crowded Prisons
-Improved School Systems
-Improved Roads
-More Scientific Discoveries
-Decreased Obesity

Legalizing marijuana, would not only cut down on illegal drug selling and growing, but it would cut down on crime as well. There for allowing more room in the prison system for criminals who cause much more heinous crimes. Legalizing it, would allow gross manufacturing of the plant by companies such as Procter and Gamble, Annheisur Busch, Marlboro, and any other legal supplier of vices out there. The fact that there would be so much of it available would cut down on second hand cost, removing the need to commit crimes for money just so you can get your fix. Plus, are dope smokers really worthy our tax dollars going to fund their schooling in prison, or pay for their food? I think you will concur when I say, “Nay”.

On top of that, pot would be taxed heavily with the tax dollars going to improve the roads and highways. A partial amount of the ‘POT TAX’ would go towards increasing the salaries of our nations school teachers, and funding programs for illiterate adults. Think about it. Not only would weed sales benefit the schools, but it would also remove the need to skip class to smoke dope, when the students can just do it on their lunch hour. The smart ones would smoke a joint on the way to lunch so that way, they can eat some munchies after, and still make it on time to 4th block! Also, illiterate adults would now have adequate assistance and reasons to learn how to read. They would need to know how to read their students report cards so they notice the improved grades their son has due to a better teaching environment!

As for more scientific discoveries, I briefly touched on the innovativeness of those who smoke marijuana. They seem to understand the laws of physics pretty well on top of an enhances imagination. Not only have some of the best rock songs been written under the influence, but something tells me the Wright Brothers were also partaking in some festivities when they contrived the first airplane or even when Marconi was messing with radio waves “there’s voices in the air!” is probably something he was telling his friends.

Now, I know what your wondering, how does all of this decrease Obesity?

I’ll tell you.

First, Legalize Marijuana
Second, illegalize all fast food drive-thrus.

As I mentioned early, smoking the weed causes the ’munchies’. It creates a need to eat in those that smoke. So now that more people will smoke pot due to it being legal, that means more people will be eating snacks and unhealthy food. And more people eating snacks and fast food will create longer lines in 7-11 and McDonalds. Fat people hate standing in line, and remember there isn’t a drive thru! I’ve witnessed obesities sweat what appears to be buckets just while standing still, and in air conditioning. I don’t understand this, but apparently standing still exerts a force of energy they do not usually make use of. This would hinder there desire to stand around and eat junk food, thus creating them to eat healthier and lose weight. Now, as some of you may point out, there are over weights who will foil this plan and be able to wait in the long lines without passing out. This is my favorite part. If we are going to tax alcohol, cigarettes, and gambling, we might as well tax Junk Food. Raise the prices. Fat people will not want to pay $8 for a twinkie. Again, the higher prices will result in them eating less. Now, the people that are willing to pay higher prices will also lose weight in the end. How? you ask. Simple. They will need to work harder and longer in order to sustain the same lifestyle, and will end up burning off more calories through out the work day which will also leave them with an appetite that junk food cannot decrease, so they will eat healthier food which leaves them feeling more refreshed and ready for tomorrow.

There you have it. It’s quite simple really. Legalizing Marijuana will put an end to Obesity, and I don’t even smoke.

Now excuse me while I finish watching a bootlegged copy of Michael Jackson’s 'Captain EO' while I devise an equation to solve Global Warming while legalizing murder.

What would Rick Moranis Do?

2008-09-06T18:13:00.004-04:00

A youtube tribute to Rick Moranis, for those unfamiliar with him, He was a comedic actor from the 80's and 90's. He has since retired from acting. He is one of my inspirations for my desire to be a comedic actor. The comedies and movies of my youth for some reason seem to be irreplaceable and alot better than more recent comedies. Here are a few clips. Let me know what you think.

Razzle*

Alien Vs. Sexual Predator Vs. Michael Phelps.

2008-08-13T12:36:00.010-04:00

There are two types of people in this world. Always.

This common phrase works for every situation. Anytime you are discussing a topic with two sides, you can use this statment in your favor:

"Two Kinds of People"

There are people who save their money, and spend it wisely,
And there are people who spend their money frivously

There are people who go to college to become a successful lawyer, because they feel they have what it takes. And then there are people who go to college and feel they are good enough to claim that they are the beer pong champion of the world.

There are people who look as though they do drugs..
then there are people like myself who like their mother was the one using drugs.

There are people who when drunk, act really really stupid.
Then there are people who when drunk, all of a sudden become scholars on philosophy.

There are people who ride a roller coaster & feel the need to pull the safety bar 2 extra clicks down to cause uncomfort to the other passenger..
Then there are people who get stuck riding in the same cart as a fat guy in which case the bar stops 10 inches from their lap……

There are two kinds of people..

There are people who believe "Children are our Future" and have lots of children.
And then there are people I wish wouldn’t reproduce at all.

Condoms ladies and gentlemen, please use them. They aren’t just to protect from S.T.Ds and getting pregnant, they’re also to protect the rest of the world from dealing with your potentially stupid offspring.

Which brings me to my favorite..

There are people who are reserved, who won’t have sex until after the 3rd or 4th date & then there are people like my old roomate who would pretty much bang anything that moves.

He’s like the Tyranosaurus Rex of Sexual Predators.

So if you're at a party with him, are dude, and not gay... stand perfectly still. Because it’ll be just like Jurassic Park in that Bitch! "He'll Spare no expense."

I’m sure some of you have similar friends, instead of a 1-10 scale,
they have a 80-1000 ..... pound scale,

I’m not joking either when I say he’s like a T-Rex.

He’s really really tall, and has really really short arms.

Everytime He goes to spoon with a girl he grabs her shoulder.

Imaginary Hangovers : My body is not a Slumberland! by: John Mayer

2008-08-12T08:49:00.017-04:00

I recently read that students who attend M.I.T. were going to speak at a hacker convention in Las Vegas and disclose security flaws that would allow you to ride Boston's Public Transportation System for free.

I have a better idea, instead of learning how to count cards for money, or ride around town for free, how about you geniuses join MENSA, meet some other smart people, and then invent a SLEEPING CHAMBER of sorts that would provide REFRESHING, TIRELESS MORNINGS, that don't cause you to feel like what I imagine a hangover feels like every time you wake up.

I know I am not the only one who hates waking up. I also hate sleeping as many of you know. I believe it to be a waste of time. Unfortunately sleep is a necessity, and not waking up after going to sleep would be a bad thing. This is my predicament. There has to be a way to make waking up more enjoyable besides getting to bang Jennifer Aniston like John Mayer gets to do. I'm not him. So I don't have that luxery.

A sleeping chamber is my thought, perhaps it stimulates the nerves into thinking your asleep when actually you are just in a daze. They have the ability to fake sunlight and give you a tan, as well put sunlight in medicinal form so your brain thinks you're not depressed, how about electrically tricking our brain to be asleep so we get the nourishment and battery recharging while we are actually awake and accomplishing things.

It would be like a science fiction movie. And speaking of movies, while your at it, invent me a jetpack, hoverboard, and Nike Tennis Shoes that tie themselves. It's already 2008 and 2015 is only 7 years away.

How about instead of NASA sending robots to MARS to look for water, or China spending 300 Million Dollars on an "Orympic Arena", why don't they invest that money into building something else from BACK TO THE FUTURE 2. It's called 'Mr. Fusion'.

Don't mess with off shore drilling or using farm land for corn gas when you can drive 88mph from New York to Denver and power your car with a can a beer and a banana peel. As Leo Dicaprio said in The Aviator, "It's the way of the future".

All our gas and bad economy problems could be solved if we had a way to mimick sleep, which would give us all a more productive morning, to do our part in creating a better future and environment. Mr. FUSION = Mr. FUTURE.

and when I say 'Mr. Future'

I mean a future with Jetpacks, Jaws 19, Flying Cars, and Deryck Whibley from Sum-41 divorcing Avril Lavigne and her suddenly wanting to marry and procreate with myself.

North by North MAE West.

2008-07-29T14:07:00.006-04:00

So I had a really weird dream filled with absurdity and nostalgia. It started off with me walking out of a movie theater, I was carrying a popcorn and soda when I stopped by my red Pontiac Transport, yes I drive a mini van. I put the soda pop in the cup holder on the side of my door and then opened the glove box to pop the tailgate. I open up the tail gate and for some reason I have luggage stored in there. I take on the luggage and then go for a stroll. I am unaware of the town, it is unrecognizable.

As I am walking I notice a plane circling overhead. At first it starts off at an altitude only known by superman, but then slowly descends to a more easily visible level. It appears as if it is a bi-plane, this puzzles me for a brief moment considering it is the year 2008, and as I bewilderingly spin around to continue on the adventure I see the ground begin to puddle up with small splashes as if it were a still lake that a small child was skipping stones on. This perplexes me until I realize I also hear gun fire, I swiftly turn around and notice that I am being fired upon by the aeronautical vehicle up above. So obviously I drop the popcorn, and tuck the luggage under my shoulder and take off running. Why didn’t I just leave the luggage and run faster? I have no idea, I’m assuming I had something valuable in there, of course, it this were reality, I would have done the same thing, because I have some really cool clothes. Anyways, I’m running and running, and what appears to be an exact scene from North by North West, I some how managed to end up in a corn field. So now I’m running around aimlessly in a cornfield trying to stupidly out run a plane that is firing bullets at me. I feel as if I’m dressed up like the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, and I’m being chased by the entire cast of The Birds, after they realized I’m just used for trickery. Anyways, next thing I know I trip and fall passing out.

It’s night time. I wake up in a room with now 2 pieces of luggage and all my clothing and optical enhancers are stung about the room. I hear a knock on the door and a person shout “hurry up they are coming!”. So my curiosity peaks as I don’t even know my location, and I take my hand and split the blinds in half as if to hide my appearance as I peak through the window. All I see is the reflection of the moon on what appears to be a lake, and a couple boats floating closer with about 6 individual silhouettes each holding a lantern of some sort. I scavenge around the room grabbing my garb and throwing it hap hazardly into the suitcases. I come across a pair of Heelys(the shoes with the one wheel in the heel). I decide to put them on, and see if they are easy to use as I have never tried them out. Turns out I can heely pretty well. So I heely around the room as I pack the last article of clothing into the suitcase and proceed to round up all of my eye glasses that are also strung and stroll. I can’t seem to find my red ones with tinted frames(50% grey). As I look under the bed the door busts open. Coming through the room is a bunch of girls that graduated high school two years prior than myself, of the 15 or so girls I specifically recognize one of them. Carrie Nodobny. She used to hang out with my cousin Martha if I do so recall. Anyways, they rush me out the door and outside into a park. It reminds me as if it is an old park from Bay City that used to be known as Hewitt Field, until it changed it’s name to Hewitt Park to get some government aid.

It now appears to be day time. And I notice I’m standing in a circle with some old high school acquaintances active in some sort of game. Among my classmates to my right is Courtney Jones, on my left is Justin Kalmes, and across I notice, Katy Paulus, Pat Madaj, my cousin Jason, and Kevin Holka. Those were the ones that stuck out, the rest were faceless beings but I had the knowledge they were schoolmates. I hear my phone ringing, so I click silent. I start consuming some Orange soda while conversing with Courtney and Pat, and notice my non-biodegradable Styrofoam cup is getting empty. I hear my phone ringing once again, so I click silent. I walk over to a picnic table and start to refill my cup. I notice there happens to be 2 small bugs swimming around the surface of the beverage so not wanting to waste the soda, I decide to pick them out with my hands. I look up to say something to Courtney, and then look down to see 2 more flies. Then 2 more, then 2 more, 2 more, and so on. It reminded me of the part on ‘Wayne’s World 2’ with the “They tell 2 friends, and they tell 2 friends, and so on, and so on” part that looks like a zooming out of The Brady Bunch opening. Once again, I hear my phone ringing, I look at it and read ‘smooze’ and ‘Dismiss’. I have no clue who Dismiss is, so I silence it yet again. Anyways, I look in the glass and it appears that these bugs seem to be manifesting some sort of duplication process. I flipped, as I am not to big a fan of bugs. I hate them. I hate being dirty, people who don’t use their blinker, and once again I hate bugs. So I quickly dropped the glass ran back to the circle of friends, and then it occurs to me that my phone wasn’t ringing. It was my alarm going off, but for some reason it was incorporated into my dream. So my unconsciousness decides to wake myself and then I run to take a shower and get to work.

That was the start of my day. The day I realize most people I encounter on a day to day basis do not take me serious in anything I do. I’m not a genius by any means, but I believe myself to be a smart and intellectual individual. I just haven’t found a means of harnessing it as I still need to amass more knowledge on certain topics. It’s not my appearance, as I have come to realize people haven’t been taking me seriously for my whole life. I tell people my opinions, my thoughts, and my goals and dreams. I’m an opinionated person who is a firm believer that I can accomplish anything if I put my mind to it, and acquire a little assistance.

That is why I have this website, why I use Linkedin.com, Facebook, MySpace, why I took my current job.

I have a better chance winning a free lunch with my business card than I do of landing a gig, or progressing forward.

I am a big believer of NETWORKING,
Unfortunately for me it’s NOT WORKING.

They don't make them like the used to....pt. 1

2008-07-27T14:02:00.007-04:00

Ok. So I know I'm only currently 26, however I feel quite a few years older, and most of the time I wish I was. If only so that I could have lived in the past and experienced the new, innovative, and cultural changing events that occurred during the present.

Today's 'They don't make them like they used to...' is in regards to the television programming of yesteryear.

Now, like I mentioned, I didn't get to experience the high quality programming first hand, but I did get to watch the Re-Runs in prime time. Back when I was younger, in the early to late 80's there were maybe 19 channels. That was a lot back then mind you. I may have even over counted.

I do recall having only 13 at one point, and then it getting bumped to 19 at another. This obviously was all possible due to the technological advancement that came in the form of a wood paneled cable box with three different sets of numbers that multiplied the number of channels you could receive. I vividly remember this because channel 19 was MTV! This of course was back when MTV played only music videos.

This also was when the local hospital we'll call Bay Medical Center also broadcasted some form programming on the same channel 19 frequency so all my household could get was some new form of a remix that merged Doctor chatter with that of The Beastie Boy's Fight for your Right. We heard the new style of hip hop while we unwillingly watched a prostate exam just hoping it would glitch and we would get a eyefull of the hottness known as Martha Quinn.

Anyways, before I got super nostalgic on you, I was talking about re-runs. One of the channels we had was called Nickelodeon, it is still around, however as Eric Burdon from the Animals once said "when I was young" was when Nickelodeon was the best. They not only had quality animated cartoons for my age group, but they also had quality night time programming. They aired re-runs of the olden days in PRIME TIME. It was known as NICK At NIGHT(which debuted in 1985), I was 3. Now, I'm told they still have this, however they air less than stellar programming. When I was a child, NAN aired shows from the fathers childhood(the time of the era that only channels such as NBC, ABC, & CBS). Sitcoms and Dramas that made an impact and really set the standard. I am of course referring to shows such as:

-My three suns
-The Donna Reed Show
-Leave it to Beaver
-The Dick VanDyke Show
-Dennis The Menace
-Route 66
-Mr. ED
-I Dream of Jeanie
-Bewitched

To me these were great programming and still are.

In todays iphone, xbox, bluetooth, ps3, hd, Bluray, wii, 1080dpi, Flatscreen world I often miss the simpler times. When a talking horse back talking his owner, or when breakfast was on the table the minute you got downstairs. The re-runs for me, helped me feel like I grew up in the heyday of the ever popular CONVERSE ALL STAR. When they weren't just worn because they looked cool with a Don Ed Hardy overpriced T-Shirt. Nick At Night also Had quality commercials that were really at the forefront of the propaganda we are forcefed today(mind you, I am a huge fan of propaganda, and in no way disapprove of it's use). They also used to have a series of shorts titled "How To Be Swell" I've had trouble locating them but I found one link that wasn't embed enabled, here is is below.

http://www.retrojunk.com/details_commercial/2950/

I'm thinking about doing some of my own in Homage to the satirical genius that N.A.N. provided me in my youth.

Here are a few N.A.N. promos along with some intros to quality programming that proves 'They don't make them like they used to...'

Stay Tuned For Part 2.

They will fight for Freedom where-ever there is Struggle....

2008-07-26T18:26:00.002-04:00

Flying never seemed more fun..

2008-07-25T17:12:00.003-04:00

5 reasons my friends think I can't get a girl to date me...

2008-07-25T14:30:00.005-04:00

5 reason's my friends thing I'm single...

5. I have an extremely long mustache....that's what she said.

4. I drive a red Pontiac Transport Minivan

3. I have a live size card board cut out of myself.

2. I think girls play games & the only games I willingly play have a 13 sided die.

1. I have a topographical map of Mordor painted on my ceiling, and giant schematic of The Death Star Painted on my bedroom wall.

HD, DVD, Wii, 3-D halloween, and road rage.. wtf?

2008-07-24T16:20:00.003-04:00

Moby? Moby Dick Van Dyke or Dick Van Patten? If 8 is enough, than Three's Company could use me in Chrissy's pants.

2008-07-23T20:21:00.005-04:00

Well shave my head and call me bald, Moby was having a contest for a new video. An acquaintance of mine wanted to enter, so he asked if I wanted to star.

I said, "Ooh Yeah" heh heh heh....

get it? because... like.. the name...of the song... nevermind..

Ooh Yeah by Moby from Vlad Rojas on Vimeo.

Awesome!!

2008-07-22T15:30:00.001-04:00

Prisons should be like this in the U.S.A. !!

2008-07-22T15:26:00.001-04:00

Two Legit is the way to be... Down with weight benches, and schooling, make them learn how to dance. They shouldn't have rights.

Sophia from the Golden Girls, Thank you for being MY Friend. R.I.P.

2008-07-22T15:24:00.001-04:00

Estelle Getty, the diminutive actress who spent 40 years struggling for success before landing a role of a lifetime in 1985 as the sarcastic octogenarian Sophia on TV's "The Golden Girls," has died. She was 84.

Barker / Flo-rida

2008-07-21T02:02:00.000-04:00

Hello Mcfly? lets got back to 1955 and start a soda shop.

2008-07-21T01:29:00.010-04:00

I got listening to some old Randy Newman, and it made me realize yet another time, that I was born a few decades late. Nothing like good old music. I'll work on writing more.. This is just something I figured I'd post. Good Song. Good Stuff. I wish I was born in 1943. Suburbs, lounge music, and The art was killer back then. Nothing like ranch houses.

also, here is a link I found about old Soda Shops and such.

www.artofmanliness.com/2008/06/05/soda-connoisseur/

Daniel Boonesfarm?

2008-07-15T16:21:00.002-04:00

Could you use that in a sentence?

2008-07-14T12:15:00.003-04:00

Meg Ryan married Dennis Quaid who was in Jaws 3-D.

2008-07-14T11:54:00.003-04:00

So I just thought I would let everyone know that I ordered a few new pairs of eye accessories. Also known as glasses, optical focusers, and sight enhancers. However, I ordered them special. There is a website known as ZenniOptical.com that sells cheaper than usual prescription specs. I have ordered a few from there in the past. I recently thought it would be funny to order some tinted frames. However, I ordered a pair with blue tinted frames, and then another of the same pair with red tinted frames. That’s right…

When they come in, I am going to swap out a lense from each pair and have Prescription 3-D GLASSES!!

Question: How cool is that?

Answer: Extremely.

I should receive them in about 2 weeks, so you can be sure I’ll inform you when they arrive.

Are Dyslexic people really good at word jumbles?

2008-07-09T09:00:00.004-04:00

I realize I'm not the only one who thinks of cool stuff, but when you don't have the means or know how to accomplish and create certain business ideas, it kind of sucks. I've had like 8 different really good ideas already stolen/created with out me by other people... I need to get some funding and business partners!! haha

luckily my version and idea of this was a lot lot better...
here is the link below:

http://www.switched.com/2008/07/08/drinking-game-inspiration-for-kids-video-game/?icid=100214839x1205218347x1200251774

This hurts, this hurts, this hurts....way to go Janice.

2008-07-07T13:15:00.002-04:00

here is a funny video my brother emailed to me. I felt the need to share it.

How was the parade Mrs. Kennedy?

2008-07-07T11:50:00.006-04:00

So long story short, here are a few photos from this past weekend. Friday was the 4th of July. I worked in the morning, then went to a party at my acquaintace CK's house, also known as Chris Kirkpatrick. Then went to watch the fireworks. I mean no ill will when I say this, but there was a pink and green firework that looked really cool. About 10 feet away, I hear someone say, "that looks like a watermelon" I turn my head, and get a big glimpse of a stereotype I need to explain... kinda made me chuckle. Then on Saturday I hung out with my friend Jason from Nashville and a few others. Met 2 really cool girls, Sorel & Amy. Had a talk with my friend Chad who is gonna try and get me in touch with some people at Rockstar. Other than that... how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?

Jason, Sorel, Amy, and your's truly at a pizza place downtown having some pie.

Two new friends that were having a chuckle watching me eat. Lewis, and his wife, I can't remember her name. Lewis is 46, She is 36. They have been married for 15 years and homeschool there small child. Lewis is a business owner, She is a jazz singer. She also wanted to make out with me really really bad, but I refrained. I felt like I was in a reversal of Indecent Proposal with Robert Redford and Demi Moore. Plus I didn't want my stache to get caught in her clear braces. Lewis is originally from New York.

Sorel's foot tattoo
matches my shoe.

Supa Dave and myself at CK's house. I look like crap.

C.Meyer's friends from Claremont.

A Photograph of a Photograph of a Photograph. I'm portraying the Tom Hanks role as "The Man With One Red Shoe"

Charlies Angels and Demons.

Speak no evil, Hear no evil, Seein Red Again by Chevelle.

I'm Dumbfounded, my roomate just noticed that there's a new Batman movie....

2008-06-25T00:42:00.003-04:00

So my roomate steve and I are sittin in our living room on opposite sides of the room. He's surfing the internet, I'm surfing the internet, the television is tuned into Late Night with David Letterman. On comes a t.v. spot for the new Batman movie more commonly known as " The Dark Knight ". Steve looks up to view the short commercial, and turns to me with the sincerity of a small child on christmas morning, & out of his mouth he speaks these exact words:

" There's a new Batman movie coming out? "

I'm dumbfounded ladies and gentlemen...

Steve you're awesome, but seriously....?

p.s.

Attention LADIES!! Steve is also a professional wakeboarder, which makes me a professional wakeboarder by default. And I'm single, so let's make out.

George Carlin... is dead...He was Funny...

2008-06-23T03:24:00.000-04:00

George Carlin... is dead....he was funny...but,

unless his stand up was literally just an act, and unless he changed his beliefs...

Sorry George, No soup for you.

you were a funny and most of the time entertaining when every word wasn't an expletive deleted, and you used you wit and cynicism to construct jokes and bits not using profanity as a crutch.

I only dream of being as successful, only not as negetive..

You will be missed, may your body lay lifeless and decompose in peace.

My Message to Big Brown and the Belmont Stakes.

2008-06-07T18:42:00.003-04:00

Come on BIG BROWN..... What happened???

you didn't even try?

you weren't even giving it your all like you used to...

you shoulda quit Horsing Around and Ran like the Kentucky, or Preakness...

Thats that a bunch of HorseShit...litterally...

Big Brown, I was a fan, I was really rooting for you. I picked you on accident during the Kentucky Derby, and you proved you were awesome. Twice none the less, when you smoked the others at The Preakness.

then you come in LAST? at The Belmont?

Big Brown, Big Disappointment.

I wrote this right after the race, so I hope nothing happened to BB, and that he is healthy.

Are you Serious? Coffee??

2007-11-21T11:54:00.000-05:00

So I was driving home last night and almost got in a car wreck from the sure dumbfoundedness that occured while I passed a local 7-11.

I passes by the 24 hour convenient store, only to notice a big long poster hangin above the door that advertised a new coffee...

but it wasn't just a normal coffee, it was :

" New Energy Coffee !! It'll Wake you up all day long !! "

This made me wonder 2 specific things...

1. What the hell was the purpose of Coffee already? if not to give you energy and wake you up in the morning...

and

2. How many times a day can you be woken up? Because if you like me, I only wake up in the morning.. and I tell you what, I sure as hell don't feel like taking a nap after double cup of Folgers to spark my day...

This also makes me wonder how long untill the have products like this:

" New Teeth Cleaning Crest Toothpaste "

That is all...

Tell your friends,

R*

Remember Max Headroom? oh yeah, I want my own Island.

2007-11-21T11:39:00.000-05:00

You ever see in the newspaper, or on the VH1 shows, or Cribs about celebrities who own their own Islands?

I seen somewhere that Johnny Depp has an Island, Marlon Brando had an Island, a friend of mine just got done working for David Copperfield… apparently he has four islands.

Not one... but FOUR!!!

My question is this….. How the hell do you buy an island? Do you just go to an island store?? Or just call up Century 21? Or Exit Realty ?? If so.. I imagine it would go something like this…

" Hello.. yes… is this Century 21? Hi, yeah, I'd like to purchase an island. Preferably somthing off of the Gulf Coast. Do you have any available?"

" I'm sorry sir. We're all out till next month. I'd try Exit Realty down the Street and on your left."

"Oh, Ok. Thanks.. We'll I can't actually afford one right now, but I envision myself in the future as being so… do you think you'll have some in stock in a few years?"

I mean.. come on !! Last time I checked the world had been all discovered as of a few years ago. Where do these Islands come from??

Do Realty Companies have workers sitting in cubicals like on Office Space listening to Queen and playing with Google Earth all day and night looking for new land masses to just pop up out of no where??

I can just picture interns scrolling across the Americas….

"Oh snap!!!! I think I found a new one!!!"

"HEY CARL!!!..."

"Carl ! Check this shit out....go to 46 degrees west longitude, by 69 degrees south...."

" Was that there tuesday morning??? I didn't see it yesterday!! I think that's a new one!!.......We better tell Laverne."

Then out of nowhere the parking lot opens up, like on The X-Men, and a Black Stealth Jet with Exit Reality painted on the side comes flying out with super speed… Flies to the new found location and out comes some dude with a red blazer and a flag to claim it.

" I claim this land for Bill Waterson, 2145 West Maple Avenue, Charleston South Carolina.!"

Or do you just go to Islands-R-Us.

"Yes, I'd like the economy package. Preferably as far away from civiliazation as possible…And why don't you throw in a generator, a couple roads, 3 street lights, and you might as well give me a grocery store….Because I might need food when I get there. Just in case…."

Did I mention that David Copperfield has Four ?!?

Not One Island!! But Four !!!.. One, Two, Three, Four !!

Four flippin Islands!!!

What a rich bastard.

Was he living life lavishly on number three, and decided he still wasn't happy!! So he had to buy another one ?!!?

Or did he have Five Islands?...

And it was just a failed disappearing-reappearing magic trick.

Maybe, Johnny Depp stole it, and thats how he got his.

Tell your friends !!

Hello, My name is Razzle, and Your's isn't.

2007-11-21T11:07:00.000-05:00

My name is Razzle. I am 25 years old, a Pisces, I like movies, music, energy drinks, I'm going to be the next really huge Stand Up comedian, creating drag on sentences, and making fun of people who aren't "in the know". When I say "in the know", I mean fully understanding that "mustaches are hilarious". For those of you without any observational skills whatsoever, Yes, I have a Muppet growing on my lip.

Secondly I'm going to warn everyone that I use an excessive amount of "quotes" when I type. This is to both get my point across, and to piss off those not "in the know". I live my life hoping the Handle Bar Mustache will catch on again. I figured if the airplane was co-invented by a guy with a mustache, how can I go wrong?

People are always asking why I decided to grow a mustache, and here's what I tell them… I'm protesting a man by the name of Captain Crunch! That's right, I am not going to shave until those conniving Quaker Oats bastards pay for my dental bills and stop cutting up the "palette" of my mouth. "Palette" means "Roof" for those of you not "in the know". I mean, you don't see Froot Loops, or Coco Puffs shaped with jagged edges. That's like giving a kid a box of broken glass for Christmas...with a free toy inside.

This is where I Rant and Rave! (And when I say Rave, I mean without the use of mind altering drugs, video game music, or glow-sticks.)

I read somewhere that LSD was made by the government as a type of hallucinogenic warfare. Bullshit! I think Captain Crunch was made for Early Morning Oral Warfare. An EMOW! Picture this - some hungry general with a monocle, greasy hair, and snow white mustache sitting in his bunker thinking of a way to cause agonizing pain that would last the entire morning just buy eating a bowl of deliciously flavored breakfast cereal. Doesn't the name "Captain" sound suspicious? His costume screams Naval Recruitment. The only reason it's made by Quaker Oats is because General Mills would have made it too obvious. Furthermore, why the hell are his eyebrows attached to his hat? I feel the only reason they added Crunch Berries was so you wouldn't notice blood dripping into the red and blue colored milk.

This is why I have a mustache. Now that I am all worked up over EMOW's I have to go for a walk.

Oh, and don't forget to "Tell Your Friends"…